Blog Archive

6.5.13

There's no "guy" in "Independence"

Independence for the win! I still need someone to fix my intercom though.


How the hell did I go from being married and trying to get pregnant to being a single woman living in a kick ass appartment? Well, I'll keep it short and sweet.

 I was happily married and I still think weddings are an awesome excuse to get drunk in front of family members. But I feel like all the odds were against us. We have completely different personalities, we see life in two different lights, we were young and I am infertile. The final nail in the preverbial coffin isn't even being barren though, it's our clashing personalities. Sure, we were always very aware of the fact that he is the business-y, non creative type and I'm the type who still believes a unicorn will show up and take me away to the land of fairies and fake nails on my lunch break. 

Take me to your leader.

Then there's the soul searching thing. I have been with this man for half my teen years and my entire adult life. I felt like I owe it to myself to find my independence.  I didn't want to be the woman who at 40 realizes her identity was always tied to being someone's something. This whole experience is uncomfortable, extremely confrontational and I love every second of it. I can look back in god knows how many years and say: See how brave I was. I realized I wasn't happy and instead of telling myself it'll pass or pointing any fingers, I took charge.

What would you have done if you did have baby you might ask. Well. I would've done what most people do. I would've gotten the hell over myself for the kid's sake. But I don't have a kid, so I don't have to. I have no idea where things'll go from here. All I know is that change is constant and that I'm excited for whatever awesome things may happen.

 I've never felt more terrified alive




4 comments:

  1. Better now than getting divorced after having kids, I say. Because if you are unhappy now, adding kids, especially if you had twins (a likely scenario with us infertiles) it would have been the last straw that broke the camel's back.

    The question is, though, do you move ahead and try to become a single mom? Do you freeze eggs and wait for the right guy to come into your life? It is so complicated, and frightening.

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    1. Yeah you're right. It's definitely scary. I have no idea how to go about this.

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  2. I UNDERSTAND!!! It was right about a year ago when I decided that my marriage was broken enough that it was not worth staying with him, even (as some were encouraging me to do) to do IVF. People kept telling me that he'd come around and be excited about parenting when a baby came, but I decided that this was way too big a risk to take with my child's happiness.

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    1. Good for you girl, i'm proud of you for putting an end to somethig that wasn't working. That takes courage. Especially when infertility is involved.

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