Blog Archive

6.8.12

The mother of a writer's block



I feel freakishly weird. I feel like I'm not myself. I feel like someone quickly pulled me apart when I was asleep and hastily put me back together. I figure it was a rushed job because the pieces don't fit anymore. It makes me wonder if I ever knew who I actually was or if I'm still becoming who I'm supposed to be. I want to sit in a room with white walls and write, write, write until all the walls are covered. I cannot deal with not being able to write what I really want to write anywhere other than on my facebook, on old newspapers, every piece of semi blank paper I can find and on my arms. I think I'm on the verge of  having a serious writers breakdown right now. I'd rather have clogged fallopian tubes than clogged creativity but thanks to a series of unfortunate events, I have both.

I can sort of deal with not being able to have kids because in a way I ám a mother; the mother of writer's blocks. But I can't help but wonder if I can't write because I'm infertile or if I'm infertile because I can't write.... Wait, this isn't making any sense...Or is it?

 It's like my inability to reproduce is infecting everything else in my life, every single thing in my life is infertile now. I can't put together outfits, I can't draw, I can't sing, I look at the art I used to love so differently. I forgot how to let music lead me and dance. I forgot how to let my creativity lead me and cook. I forgot how to let my fantasy lead me and play. 

I honestly never realized how magical imagination made my life until it left me. 

Now it's dead. 
And infertility drove the hearse.

2 comments:

  1. Hi I'm a new follower since googling crunchy mums and finding your funny post last year - hehe. Thanks for writing such good posts, looking forward to reading more after your imagination comes back :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the comment Harley, Writer's blocks are rough!

      Delete

Thank you so much for reading my blog. Let me know what you think! - Jill