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12.2.12

Tampon shopping


Tampon shopping. The ultimate symbol of how crazy trying to make this baby has driven me. I somehow convinced myself that if I don't buy tampons I might not get my period. So I usually postpone buying them until my period actually starts. But not this time. This time, I had to face the music. I don't think fertile people understand what tampon shopping means to someone that can't get pregnant. It means failure, death of a dream, another month down the frickin' drain. Another cycle of drugs that give you horrible side effects, tension in your relationship, not being able to focus at work. It's hell. Add a moronic doctor to the mix and you'd probably understand my craziness.

This cycle was not easy for a number of reasons. I was sick for the biggest part of it and not being able to try made me feel horrible. Another reason is my doctor. My first appointment this year was supposed to take place on February first. I got a letter saying my appointment had to be moved up, so they scheduled us in on February 23. Then I got another letter (I know, it's idiotic) stating my appointment had to be moved up AGAIN. So they moved it to March 5. Yesterday the unthinkable happened. They moved my F-ing appointment again...this time to March 13. I wish I was making this up.

Keep in mind, the last time I saw this horrible doctor was September last. He sent me home with 15 boxes of Clomid and that was it. I understand 20 year olds aren't supposed to try for babies. But he knows our situation, he has seen our file. Yet, judging is all he does. So I'm officially done with this crap and I'm finding myself a new doctor. 
Even though AF's not here yet. I know tampon shopping is inevitable. So back I go, into the feminine hygiene isle. Strolling past all the green, blue and pink boxes that promise a bunch of things. As I hesitantly pick up 6 boxes of hell tampons I can't help but think, it doesn't matter how "pretty" they make the package. The truth remains the same....


Another failed cycle. 

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Thank you so much for reading my blog. Let me know what you think! - Jill