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16.12.11

Ugh, not this again


I got my period December 10. Just in time to buy myself lots of booze for christmas. I haven't even decorated the place. I just want christmas to be over so I can go back to my life and buy a cat. Seriously, not even having a hint of baby for  for the second time sucks.
The mood has definitely changed in our house. We don't talk about kids anymore. My husband feels like complete and utter shit as well. I've given away all the baby crap I bought and I basically want this to be over...It's not a pretty sight , that's for sure. 

This whole infertility thing would be less cruel if someone told you from the start if you had a chance at conceiving a kid or not. That way you won't have to get your period, deal with it, get hopeful mid cycle just to have your hope shredded to pieces by the end of every month. 
I've gone this long without being mean but I think something inside my brain snapped. I've been getting a lot of "You should really lighten up", "It's not that bad!", "Will you please get over yourself and come party with us" lately.  I haven't had contact with anyone other then my mom, brother and husband for a long time now because I'm not allowed to feel the way I feel. I'm not allowed to talk about serious issues once every 3 weeks. That's why I decided I'd rather be alone then with people who don't understand.

I just wanted to remind you that it's okay to feel like hell. Even when it's almost christmas.
But you just have to wipe your tears, wear a tampon and head over to your obligatory baby showers and kid filled holidays. 

We're robots after all. 


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Thank you so much for reading my blog. Let me know what you think! - Jill