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11.6.11

My arms are empty, but my heart is full

Have you ever had a dream that felt incredibly real? It's crazy when I dream about my future baby and It feels so real. It's like a sneak preview of all the wonderful things to come. I dreamt about a little boy a couple of nights ago. He was so cute, it was almost like I could smell him. I was overwhelmed by the sense of wholeness I experienced and dreaded waking up. I dreamt that I had to go to an edtitorial meeting and I told my co-workers that I HAD to leave at 4 because I didn't want to miss my little boy any longer. I said it with such a great sense of pride. It was an awesome, awesome dream. All kind of beautiful things happened. Things that I can only dream of at the moment, you know, with me TTC and all. The worst part came when I woke up and my arms were positioned as if I was holding a baby. I know, it's sad and strange.

 I felt weird for a while, but after that, I felt happy. Happy I get the chance to sort my business out and get married to the love of my life first, before I bring a fragile little human being into this world.  I'm thankful I didn't get pregnant when I wasn't ready. 
I'm thankful that I get the chance to do things right.  

I feel completely at peace about everything. Yes, even TTC. It's time for me to face the fact that I have no control over this whatsoever and take my identity back. I feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted of my shoulders. And yes, my arms may be empty, but my heart is completely full with love. I trust that I will be blessed with a child some day. It may be next week, or it may be next year. I have to trust it'll be the right time.

But first, I'm getting married to my prince charming.
Just 3 days until my wedding!

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Thank you so much for reading my blog. Let me know what you think! - Jill