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12.4.11

What a surprise, another BFN


This may sound really weird but I'm so used to getting BFN's that it doesn't phase me anymore. AF is 3 days late so I decided to test. Don't ask me why. I haven't tested in months because I think I'd know if I was pregnant. But today I kinda went against my instincts and tested anyway. I saw one line and thought: Meh...of course. Threw the thing out and watched Top Chef reruns. I've completely run out of tears. I just can't cry anymore. Besides, crying uncontrolably won't help me get pregnant faster. People around me confuse my stoic coping mechanism with not caring. But this is how I deal with things. I take a deep breath and move on. Despite the fact that baby fever is like this disease that makes me live my life in 2 weeks secrements and makes the people I care about say things like "Not being able to have kids isn't the end of the world!". I'm fine.

With that being said. My little problem is taking care off. We're getting married June 14th.
I guess me not being a pregnant bride is kind of what I wanted right?

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Thank you so much for reading my blog. Let me know what you think! - Jill