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24.4.11

Green is NOT a good color on me



I'm not even going to lie, I am SO jealous of my neighbour friend. She got pregnant with her ex boyfriends baby without even trying. I know it doesn't make sense. I'm in a loving, stable relationship. We're getting married in a couple of weeks, yet I'm jealous of a girl that purposfully got pregnant as a result of having sex with another woman's man. It's just that...this is something I really, really want. More than anything in this entire world. My life is turned completely upside down for a person that isn't even born yet. And here she is, smurking away, walking around with a false sense of entitlement. I'm avoiding her like the plague right now. As you'll get to know me, you'll know that I'm not one to avoid anything. But this is just too painful for me to deal with. I have no idea how to act towards her. I can smile, but she'll know it's not sincere. I'm not even going to try because of this constant fear of being too much of a bitch to her. It's not fair to hear.She didn't really do anything aside from getting pregnant. But still, she doesn't even know that we're trying to have a baby, she'll probably throw in a couple of painful comments here and there. 

I just...Sigh. I don't know. It's a constant struggle this brainshrinking TTC thing.
The simplest get together becomes this hardbreaking event.


I don't like my jealous self. But at the same time, I know that everyone that's TTC feels this way sometimes. 
What I'm trying to tell you is that you're absolutely not alone. You can be honest here! I too want to smack that whining pregnant 14 year old that doesn't want to breastfeed because Rihanna doesn't do it across the face some days.


Sigh, the challenges of being human.


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Thank you so much for reading my blog. Let me know what you think! - Jill